Recently I’ve had the revelation that when breastfeeding comes to an end, I feel like I won’t know who I am. This part of my life journey has absolutely felt like I’ve been created new, from the ground up, and developed a way to connect with others in a way I never had before.

I’m not someone who is artistic, musical, or athletic. I can cook and bake but I’m no chef. I have moments of creativity but it’s often spurred by viewing others ideas. I don’t have a dedicated hobby I excel at, or a hidden talent I can put on display. I know my attributes and strengths outside of breastfeeding, so realistically I know there is more to me than milk glands, but it’s a thought that swirls when there’s a free moment or two.

I know eventually the day will come when my child no longer needs me in that way and eventually the milk will stop. Even typing that sentence makes my eyes burn and my stomach drop. Maybe I’m thinking too much about this, or thinking about it in the wrong way. Maybe I’m overly attached to process or too stubborn to let it go because of how much I had to give to make it work. All I know is that breastfeeding has given me solace and connection in a way that I needed, so the idea that there will be a last time leaves me with the lingering thoughts and staring into a void that will require some time to navigate.